The Funniest Moments in Music (Part Un)
The Dwarf has decided to take a stroll down Memory Lane, just adjascent to Cringe Crescent, to bring you a sample of some the funniest (laughing at and laughing with) moments in recent musical history.
JC Chasez has issues- When JC, formerly of NSYNC, released his solo effort, All Day Long I Dream About Sex, what he fancying was acceptance, rave reviews and perhaps an MTV Award or two. I mean, the lyrical genius of the track along should’ve earned a few gongs: “Keep in mind/ I'm a love machine/ Get it twenty four seven / Call me any time you need some extra attention/ did I forget to mention school's back in session/ get ready for a lesson”. What he of the massive shnoz actually received was worldwide derision and a new “repressed homo” tag to take home, where he undoubtedly cries himself to sleep, staring at old NSYNC posters, twirling his telephone cord nervously and trying to get through to Lou Pearlman.
Cringe factor: 9 out of 10 smacks to the forehead.
Emo- Haha, remember this? Apparently short for “emotional” (there having been completely emotionless music until that point in time), emo was the black-and-red studded thorn in anyone with half a brain’s side for the, oh, 6 weeks it was super cool? Possibly the most pathetic marketing ploy ever vomited into existence, emo turned what could’ve been attractive young people into spiky, sad beasts of burden with heinous hair and, like, so many middle class problems. If a witch hunt must be done, Hawthorne Heights will burn at the stake for this one.
http://www.soemo.co.uk/emo.php
Cringe factor: 10, because they still exist and congregate around Maccas like flies on shit (actually, that’s a pretty astute metaphor). Why haven’t they taken their idolatry of Kurt et al to its logical conclusion?
Sexyback- Come on, JT. Not only did you share a band with JC “I swear I like girls” Chasez, but you released this disco fiasco. Trying to prove something? Admittedly a pretty catchy track, but puh-lease; “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave”? Oo-er, cheeky! Unlike his oceans of pubescent fans, I feel very little for JT other than constant embarrassment.
Cringe factor: 6...it’s kinda catchy. Shut up!
Alice Cooper in Wayne’s World- “I believe its pronounced Mil-yoo-wah-kay”. Alice Cooper makes a surprisingly amusing appearance in 1992’s Wayne World, wherein rock and comedy met and had hilarious babies.
Cringe factor: Nil. Alice is awesome! We're not worthy!
Amy Winehouse on Never Mind The Buzzcocks- She’s a funny devil, isn’t she? Take crack, be comedian, play with mice and Pete Doherty (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4Yoa4cjw4o). Rules of success, people.
Cringe factor: 1, though the cracked-up hive-head is pretty damn funny when zonked out, host Simon Amstell keeps making obvious references to her drunkenness/ drug addiction. Come on, she does sometimes, sort of, sing.
Vote or Die- With their fingers always on the cultural button, South Park (comedy cartoon kid of kings) made this homage to P. Diddy’s classic “Vote Or Die” campaign. Pretty spot on, if you ask me.
Cringe factor: 8. Ohh, don’t let these people speak. Why does God let them speak??
Chin Sings System of A Down- What do you mean you haven’t heard of chin singing? You having a laugh? Oh man, I was on the floor cacking it at this one. Basically, someone has draw a face on their chin and, upside down, to the give the impression the chin is singing, lip-syncs to BYOB by System of a Down. Sounds simple, even lame? See for yourself. Then again, no matter who does it, or to what, chin face always makes me laugh. It also always reminds me of that episode of Arrgh! Real Monsters! from when I was a kid; the one where Krumm’s pimple comes to life.
Cringe factor: You be the judge. I say big fat zero, but, different strokes for different folks, I suppose.
Benny Lava- Probably the best viral video ever, Benny Lava is actually the misheard title of a Hindi song from an Indian film. The video most of you would’ve seen would be the “Buffalaxed” version, in which “Buffalax” has added subtitles to the video...subtitled of what the words sound like to him. It’s made many a catchphrase, let me tell you.
Cringe factor: 1...despite the stomach-aching hilarity of the thing, the fact is...they’re serious.
Boogie in Your Butt- Before he was attempting to claw back redeemability through abysmal kids’ films, Eddie Murphy was one of the world’s best comedians. He was also a pretty good singer (Party All The Time!). But this was a Hammerdance too far. Boogie in Your Butt, we are laughing at you, not with you. The song is essentially a list of things to put in one’s anal region, and I wouldn’t recommend any of them; “a tree...a bumblebee...clock...big rock...fleas...tin can...TV...me...” and on and on it goes. The track was later admitted as evidence in Eddie Murphy’s psychological evaluation.
Cringe Factor: 10. Eddie, man, you used to be cool. “It was the 80s” in no excuse.
Little Richard on The Young and the Restless- Ol’ Leather Face makes a frightening appearance on dodgy American soap. Alright, by now the guy has gotta be batshit crazy, but couldn’t he
be crazy and good? Is a soap opera appearance not the last, flailing refuge of a desperate man? The farce is as nutso as TV gets, with Richard’s crazy eyes skittling around the room- even looking directly at the camera, no, don’t break the fourth wall!- and trying to read simple names from a piece of paper. The former coolest guy in the world now looks like a cowhide purse with robot eyes.
Cringe factor: 9 and a half...you can still make out some of Richard’s former coolness (and sanity) somewhere...but you have to look hard...
Cowboy Love- Rev. Horton Heat’s ode to goin’ at it Brokeback style, some of the disconcerting lyrics include; “I want him to come and pick me up in his Chevrolet pick-up truck and when we're on the dance floor his hat will rise high above...it's inter-racial cowboy homo kind of love”. Those words are real, by the by. I don’t much know what to say, I guess that chorus line says more than I ever can. At least gay cowboys have a reason to wear chaps.
Cringe factor: 8. Surely country music has spawned weirder titles?
Flight of the Conchords- New Zealand’s “fourth most popular folk-parody duo” have not only put NZ on the map once again, but hit it big in the US with their TV show and DVDs. The duo, borne of musical roots (Bret McKenzie, one half of the duo, was a former Black Seed) formed the band in Uni and originally set out to make “serious music” but found their songs became too unintentionally humorous. For the best of the Conchords, I would pick up the DVD on their TV show (Flight of the Conchords, also starring the hilarious Rhys Darby as band manager Murray) but, failing that, Frodo, Don’t Wear the Ring (an especially funny track, considering Bret also had a tiny part in one of the LOTR films, as an elf or something), Cheer Up, Murray and Bowie are all diamonds.
Cringe factor: 1. The duo have taken away slightly from that Curb-style humour of awkwardness and inadequacy, which leads to some feelings of “urrghl”. But few and far between. Lucky.
Bestweekendever.tv rips the shit out of Heidi Montag- Montag, well-known waste of space, took time out of her busy schedule of being an airhead and poncing on the beach with her clearly gay boyfriend, to make a truly awful music video...poncing on the beach. Does this girl ever wear clothes? Anyway, Bestweekendever.tv have added their own little “comments” to the vid via pop-up bubbles during the “music” video. The videos tend to be quite astute in their observations of Montag, mainly that she is a skanky, plastic bimbo with no talent and an intellect like a Styrofoam cup (my words, but not dissimilar).
Cringe factor: 9. 1 point taken off for funny pop-up comments, but the actual video itself is so bad, so lame, it is infuriating.
